Here’s the synopsis of Wrong-Man Magnet attraction dynamic, using fictional characters Eve and Adam:
Eve can’t stand Adam, but Adam thinks Eve is the most amazing, beautiful and charming woman he’s ever met. He is relentlessly pursuing her, but she has zero interest in him. It’s a one-way attraction that she cannot escape. Since she has tried rejecting him in gentle ways and this hasn’t thwarted his pursuit, she sometimes has to resort to either being a bitch to him or trying to avoid him altogether. Adam still hasn’t gotten the message. Eve wonders why guys she’s interested in have little or no interest in her, while she is always dodging advances from the guy she wants nothing to do with. She hates being put in this awkward position because it reminds her of how she is still single and yet isn’t attracting the right kind of men and this frustrates her. She sometimes fears that the only way she could secure a committed, romantic relationship would be to settle for a guy like Adam and the very idea of that terrifies her.
In this case, the imaginary future-relationship role is reversed. Adam has decided Eve is his ideal relationship partner, even though she has not actively expressed this and, in fact, is unsuccessful at her attempts to communicate her non-interest. It is possible that Adam has a fear of rejection that is stronger than his desire for a true ideal partner. I could speculate that Adam has perhaps rationalized that Eve is testing him to see just how devoted he is in actively pursuing her, or that he has rationalized that Eve’s disinterest is just a life-timing issue: as in “not now, but later.” But, we are here to discuss Eve’s subconscious program around the fear that “the only way she could secure a committed, romantic relationship would be to settle for a guy like Adam.”
Strangely enough, Eve may have a part in attracting Adam’s attention to her because of the primary program running the relationship is based on this fear.
Have you ever heard the following statements?
What you resist, persists.
What you focus on expands.
Energy flows where attention goes.
These are referenced widely in personal development circles as universal truths, and with good reason. Your subconscious mind directs your attention down to even everything you think about and notice as you go about your daily activities. The way your subconscious determines what to turn your conscious attention to is based on two factors: the stimulus and a heightened emotional response to the stimulus. In this case, a “guy like Adam” is the stimulus and the emotional response is fear that “absolutely terrifies her.” This combination is the recipe for the subconscious mind deciding that guys like Adam are important to notice in your environment because they may be a serious threat. Thus begins the subconscious program that runs to notify Eve of guys like Adam everywhere she goes. Now, there are other guys around: guys like Jeff and Nate and Ben who would be attractive to Eve and may even be attracted to Eve. However, Eve’s subconscious fear-programming is overwriting any programs around the potential love suitors because Eve needs to know about this potential threat in order to avoid it.
Let me give you an example of how you may have experienced this same kind of mechanism at work in another area of life. Have you ever lost something you needed urgently – like your car keys? Terrified you would never find them you may have repeated to yourself: I can’t find my keys, I can’t find my keys – only for someone in your midst to reveal they were in plain sight all that time? It’s embarrassing, right? But it’s an example of how the mechanism of your subconscious thoughts can prevent you from noticing something you need that is in plain view if only you had a better program running. It’s a good demonstration to illustrate that we see with our mind instead of with our eyes alone.
In the same way, the longer Eve lets this fear program control her conscious attention, she is very likely missing opportunities and, perhaps even gestures, from attractive guys who would love to date her if she only had the capacity to see them. Guys like Adam are everywhere, but, fortunately, so are guys who aren’t like Adam.
Within the Steak His Heart, Save Your Life book, I’m going to help you change your programming to see the very men you may be missing. Sound good? Check out the book.