Here’s the synopsis of The Two-in-One attraction dynamic, using fictional characters Eve and Adam:
Eve thinks she is perhaps in love with Adam. She believes he’s among the most amazing, handsome and charming men she’s met so far. She sometimes wonders what it would be like to be his romantic partner, but she wants to know more about him first. They’ve gone out casually a few times, and he’s very respectful to her and shows a lot of interest in learning about who she is, which makes him all the more attractive. The first time he asked her out, she turned him down because she had already planned to attend her niece’s piano recital, but she let him know that another time would be great. He was fine to hold off for another time and did follow-up with another request for that Friday. She asked if he could do Saturday afternoon instead because Friday she planned to help her friend Stacy move into a new apartment. He couldn’t do Saturday but could do Sunday night, and they finally made it happen. Since then there have been two more dates, and they are in the process of scheduling a fourth. Things appear to be moving along well and at a nice pace.
In this scenario, we have the potential beginning of a nice, healthy relationship. How do we know? Three things that indicate this to me:
1) Eve hasn’t yet decided that she is in love with Adam since she’s still getting acquainted with him.
2) She’s open to the relationship working with him and is enjoying dates with him in the present, but she hasn’t created an imaginary future relationship with him yet that might cloud the evaluation process.
3) Eve schedules dates with Adam around events in her life she’s already committed to that are also important to her. She isn’t moving them around to please him or out of fear that he will lose interest in her. She knows that the kind of relationship she desires is with a man she finds attractive who also respects her desires. Adam seems to fit this description, so far, through his date-scheduling accommodations and their overall good rapport. Eve’s ability to keep her compatibility needs at the forefront reveals a healthy sense of self-worth in this scenario.
The Two in One is the best of self-love and shared love. It involves two people who have a healthy relationship with themselves working to create a healthy relationship with each other. This scenario doesn’t mean that Eve and Adam are all set in a perfect relationship or even a long-term relationship, however, but that the groundwork for a healthy loving relationship is there at this stage. From our limited information, we can deduce that these two individuals care about each other and have a sense of self-respect that will also help them to evaluate whether or not to move forward in a way that is in service to their love desires.
By the way, if you’re someone who is already actively thinking up stories of how Adam could still end up being a jerk to Eve, just notice that this is an automatic subconscious response that is going on for you that probably comes up a lot. This response is a well-intended protection mechanism from within just doing its thing to keep you safe from hurt. However, since issues could arise where this same mechanism also sabotages your ability to receive the very kind of love you desire when it is available to you, we will be exploring ways to give your protective inner-self activities to do that are far more useful in accomplishing that task within the contents of the book.