Here’s the synopsis of The One-Sided Seduction attraction dynamic, using fictional characters Eve and Adam:
Eve is madly in love with Adam. She thinks he’s the most amazing, handsome and charming man she’s ever met. She would love to be his romantic partner, yet even though she seems to do everything to show him her affection, he doesn’t seem to notice or care. Already now she has purchased some sexy, new clothes to wear around him, wears a new perfume, has offered to cook him hot meals, and in response, he says he’s flattered but is too busy. When she found out his favorite band was coming to town to play, she purchased tickets just before they sold out with the intent of enjoying the concert with Adam. When she invited him to go with her, he asked if he could use the tickets for him and his best guy friend to go instead and offered to reimburse her for both tickets. She relented, gifting him the tickets, hoping to please him. As a thank you, Adam is taking Eve out for coffee today, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off the blond barista the entire time they’ve been in the cafe. Eve is running out of ideas on how to inspire a romantic relationship with Adam.
In this scenario, Eve is the only one attempting any seducing. If she viewed herself as a true catch, she would be evaluating Adam’s love-partner suitability based on how he behaves around her and how she feels when she’s with him. Right now, his behavior indicates to her that he “doesn’t notice or care,” which would seem to be the opposite of an ideal suitor, don’t you think? This doesn’t mean Adam is completely wrong for her; it does, however, mean he is not a good match at this current moment, which is all we really need to know. Eve is acting on a romantic pursuit based on a premature assumption about who Adam will eventually become with her in the future, and this could be the very approach that keeps her in the friend-zone (or perhaps even less than) with Adam, subconsciously.
Eve has essentially outsourced her personal self-worth valuation to Adam and believes that if he will value her, only then will she be justified in feeling valued herself. It’s a rationale that often doesn’t register consciously. She may even resist the idea that she has any conflict going on in the self-worth department because she may be able to reference some life contexts in which she genuinely feels confident in herself, such as work or skills related to hobbies and interests. However, the defining chronic, people-pleasing actions reveal a different story is going on beneath the surface when it comes to her romantic interests.
Right now, Adam is likely noticing that Eve is pulling out all the stops for him without much effort on his part. How much of a catch can she be, after all, when she’s so smitten with him without having a decent set of prerequisites to qualify a man as her main squeeze? If she were a woman of high-value, she’d have too many other options of men to date to be so easily won over by Adam for merely being polite and breathing. Her behavior reveals a superficial attraction to Adam on Eve’s part and reads as desperate, something Adam can probably pick up on. Of course, Eve does have some internal checklist of mate criteria that Adam meets, or she wouldn’t be interested in him in the first place. The checklist criteria, however, can only be based on assumptions that have come from Eve’s subconscious typecasting of who she thinks her ideal man is. In this book, I provide more insight into what your type of guy says about you (if you have a type of guy you’re attracted to), how this type developed, and how it could be sabotaging your dating success. I will also cover how to boost the low self-worth that fuels the kind of superficial attraction that motivates The One-sided Seduction scenario.